I'm just numb

I'm just going through the motions now. Not living. I'm just here. Only God knows why. I truly want to be happy, I really do. I have most everything I could ever ask for. I think, for the most part, my family loves me. My grand kids adore me. But I'm just dead inside. I feel joy when I'm with my angels. Not much else though. I just feel numb most of the time. I think people think I'm strange cause I talk about you as if we were just together like at dinner or something. If anyone heard me in my house, they'd lock me up. Because of all the conversations I have with you everyday. I wish I were with you. Things are just so messed up. So much is happening. I need you, my love. I really do. How can I do this without you?