Sorry I’ve not written to you. We finally have a grandson!! Can you believe it?! He’s 2 months old. There’s been so much death, as you know. Some days I just don’t want to keep breathing. I can’t seem to grasp what’s going on around me. Everything seems to blur together. Do you realize it’s been like 10 years or more since I last saw your face? I think I see you all the time, but of course it’s not you. I’ve not been home in 5 weeks. I want to so badly, but I just can’t. I was thinking today that maybe I should go home tomorrow. It’s as good a day as any. Right? I’ve come to the realization that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone. There’s been no one since you and I’m not sure I want there to be. I miss you so badly. Sometimes I smell you and turn around to see if you’re standing behind me. I can still remember your taste. I’d give anything to look into your beautiful green eyes once more. I don’t want to be here anymore. It gets harder everyday to put that mask on. I’m exhausted from hiding my true feelings, what I truly live through every single day. I need you. I need you to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. As far as I know, all of our kids are good. We have 6 grandchildren now. 4 beautiful girls and one gorgeous baby boy. Some days I get so angry at you for leaving me like you did. I often wonder if I’d stayed if you’d be here. Although if I’d stayed, we may have both been murdered. I tried so hard to help you. You know I only wanted you to be home with us. I had to leave. I just had to. I couldn’t take the abuse any longer and if I’d stayed you would have taken me down with you.

I’m sorry I’m just rambling. I’m exhausted. I love you and miss you so very much my love. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I've not written in quite a while. You know why. Please forgive me. Seems your youngest is just like you. She played me like a fiddle. She's trying to get it together now, though. I hope she makes it. Your grand babies are so beautiful. You would a be absolutely smitten. Of course, they all look like you. There's no mistake who they belong to. Your genes were always more prominent.

I see you everywhere. Of course, when it's not you, my heart just sinks. I still think about us and all the plans we used to make. Remember laying in bed laughing and sharing our dreams? We were so in sync. We were so good together. We did have a lot of fun, didn't we? Luckily for both of us, my heart is starting to forget the bad, of which I know there was a lot. It messed me up for a very long time. Nearly 10 years to be exact. I've actually been talking to an old friend of ours, Rabbit. Don't worry, he's not the same as he used to be. He walked away over 20 years ago. He's done quite well for himself, it seems.

I gotta go baby. I love you with all my heart. Yesterday, today and forever. 💋