Sorry I’ve not written to you. We finally have a grandson!! Can you believe it?! He’s 2 months old. There’s been so much death, as you know. Some days I just don’t want to keep breathing. I can’t seem to grasp what’s going on around me. Everything seems to blur together. Do you realize it’s been like 10 years or more since I last saw your face? I think I see you all the time, but of course it’s not you. I’ve not been home in 5 weeks. I want to so badly, but I just can’t. I was thinking today that maybe I should go home tomorrow. It’s as good a day as any. Right? I’ve come to the realization that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone. There’s been no one since you and I’m not sure I want there to be. I miss you so badly. Sometimes I smell you and turn around to see if you’re standing behind me. I can still remember your taste. I’d give anything to look into your beautiful green eyes once more. I don’t want to be here anymore. It gets harder everyday to put that mask on. I’m exhausted from hiding my true feelings, what I truly live through every single day. I need you. I need you to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. As far as I know, all of our kids are good. We have 6 grandchildren now. 4 beautiful girls and one gorgeous baby boy. Some days I get so angry at you for leaving me like you did. I often wonder if I’d stayed if you’d be here. Although if I’d stayed, we may have both been murdered. I tried so hard to help you. You know I only wanted you to be home with us. I had to leave. I just had to. I couldn’t take the abuse any longer and if I’d stayed you would have taken me down with you.

I’m sorry I’m just rambling. I’m exhausted. I love you and miss you so very much my love. Maybe tomorrow will be better.